Remote Control Confessions-Creative Writing

I am the most loved item in the house.  The man loves me most, more than almost any other object on this table.  I have only been here about 2 years, less time than the little dude that kind of looks like me, he's small and not used very often.  If you ask him, he'll tell you how he used to be popular, back before they got "cable" and "satellite TV".  Yeah, he was the cat's meow back then, his counterpart could play DVDs and VHS tapes.  I once asked him what a VHS tape was, he said he could barely remember, and his buddy was usually just eating DVDs and spitting them out. 

I came here in a box, I was so young and new, so shiny and smooth, I had no idea what I was in for.  From the minute the man is home until after he's nodded off a few times, I am in his hand, or at a place of honor at his side, easy to access.  Without me, he wouldn't be able to change the channel, or see what was on all of his stations.  I am his magic wand, when he holds me he has ultimate control of the boxes.  The box I talk to, and the big flat one with the pictures.  I like to believe I make the pictures, but I know it's really the Big Guy somewhere out there beaming them to my buddy who tells the TV what to show.  I tell the Big Guy, though, I am important. 

The worst part about my job is the wear and tear on me.  When a battery is low, I get slapped and smacked in the man's attempt to get a little more juice out of Mr. and Mrs. AAA-of-the-moment.  When that doesn't work, it's rip off my backside and spin the batteries, and eventually, the transplant.  I gotta say, I feel great when I get new juice.

I do feel a little embarrassed by how dirty I am.  The man works on cars, and drinks soda, a deadly combo od blackness on my buttons and he doesn't care.  The boy doesn't either, in fact, I've seen the guy who works his room, and I look like a baby pageant queen in comparison.  I wish the woman would clean me more often.  It's so nice, she takes out the batteries so it's just me and her.  Then she cleans my body, even the cracks, and the buttons, oh how I love it when she cleans the buttons!  I look new again, if only for a day or two. 

If I had any advice to give, it would be this:  Use that little red power button more often, and shut off the flat faced TV.  Look at your family, maybe dig out a board game.  If it makes you feel more comfortable, I'll sit next to you and watch.  Ha, that'll be a switch!  The TV and remote watching humans do stuff, what a world!