I must admit I get really disheartened by the number of "like's I get for my pictures of me selling wine behind a box. Yes, I look really pretty in them, but... I post those in the hopes someone will come down and sample my product and buy it, or at least visit me. I am not posting them because I am so cute, or I am so proud to be there. It is really quite the opposite. I like my job, but I have grown and the job no longer suits me. More days than not, I want to cry. I just do not want to sell.
The sad story is, that after 2 years of school, 3 certificates and a degree, I have met no one to work with, and have found no mentors. I'm okay with this, because I do believe my big lesson in this incarnation is to learn to work by myself. This terrifies me. I need to find MY thing. I am no closer to knowing what that is either, but I am finding out what it is not.
I can do a lot of different things and have a vast and varied knowledge on topics such as nutrition, exercise, yoga, hypnosis, and healing, but I do not resonate with any of those modalities individually, and I hit a brick wall when I try to describe in words what I "do" when people ask.
I watch what other people are doing and I am so happy that they are doing those things, because it motivates me to keep looking for my thing. I am no longer content to do something just to do it. I have a "day job" for that. When it comes to my unique gifts, I want to give my 100% best, to do something so authentic to my being that it is obvious I was born for it. But what, is "it"?
I am sure a lot of people deal with this issue of self-discovery. I like myself, that's a huge head start. I even love myself, which gives me the emotional support to continue looking, without rushing. I get a bit agitated, but that is only to keep me focused on the future, this box job is supporting me until I am ready to fly. This gives me the experience of going through these steps, too. When I figure it out, I can help you figure it out.
Life is an amazing thing. There are opportunities around every corner. You can discover wonderful things by being around other people and observing them. You can discover wonderful things about yourself by blogging, and meditating, and praying, and doing the work to find your SELF.
I really hope I never stop growing and changing and hitting these bits of melancholy and discomfort. It means there is growth happening. When a child's feet grow, it would be abusive to keep forcing them to wear their baby shoes. I am shoe shopping in my psyche to outfit my new big feet so I can accomplish my next great feat. ;)
As I grow and change
I search for new adventures
that foster more growth.
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